Ndu Desire || WHAT REALLY, TRULY GRINDS MY GEARS

Hey Tribe,

Welcome (back)! How’s it going? Work has been on another level of stress, but sebi na me say I wan work? I must work the work!

I am not big on Family Guy, but when I do come across it a couple of times, I find it to be very interesting (although it could be a mite inappropriate). I remember the dad (Peter Griffin) always saying, ‘You know what really grinds my gears…’ to describe what irks him.

I don’t think of myself as very tolerant of the human excesses, but truthfully, I think I try (I know that was a lame attempt at being diplomatic). There are some things that I can stand but would viscerally annoy other people.

For example, my sister Favour (who deals in Great quality hair!) cannot stand people who do not retain quiet while eating. Any mouth opening, loud chewing totally puts her off and even when I feel like I should get a Nobel Prize for great eating etiquette, she still says, ‘Desire, please could you stop making noises with your mouth?’ and sometimes, I wonder what the problem is when I am doing my best.

I guess it really is true when it is said that ‘Everyone has the one that is doing them’. These things could really seem flimsy to the next guy, but to the directly affected, it could be the most awful thing to happen since the Fall of Man.

There are just some things that are done that make me internally roll my eyes and become a low-key Nene Leakes.

Astable Conversational English

It strikes me as weird that a University graduate in 2017 would send a text message that looks like this;

‘Elo dear. Hope u’re owk? Just tot to remind u dt 2dae is fellowship and twud hold at 3pm. 10ks. Am hoping 2 c u dere.’

This even pales in comparison to an official text we (my classmates and other aspiring candidates) received from a FEDERAL institution for an interview (which was even postponed randomly).

I know that English is a difficult language to comprehend, with adjectives, pronouns and their annoying friends. I just found out that there is no word like ‘Trafficator’. This, coupled with the fact that it is not our principal language as Nigerians makes it a tad difficult. However, there should be levels to this.

Exams are written in English and we converse mainly in English, so I am pretty sure that a Bachelors’ holder can spell YOU, TODAY, THAT, SEE, I AM!!

People are quick to say that when they have to do so, they will write in full, but I have a few friends who started speaking like’ Jenifa’ no matter where they were, after watching a couple of seasons of Jenifa’s Diary. The same thing could happen with writing actually. Also, that ‘She was wearing a black jean’ and ‘I want that blue pant’ thing. Why, oh, why??

Placing MY Property In The Wrong Place After Use

I have no form of an issue with people using my non-personal or sanitary items, but please, if you decide to use my shoe brush, please be kind enough to actually return it to the shoe rack and not leave it in the kitchen.

My sisters and I had some of the worst fights because of this. Some of us just like to know where all things are at all times. Please, if you are guilty of the possession of this attribute, please, consciously work to desist from it!! It can be vexing.

Wrong Name Pronunciation… With Confidence

This may come off as strange, but it irks me, sometimes.

Hello. My name is Desire.

However, I have been called Divine, Destiny, Zara, Praise, Favour on innumerable occasions and that is fine because my name is weird, so I get it.

The real issue commences when I correct you politely and you ignore me by saying, ‘It’s sha the same thing’.

Pray tell, who gave you that gracious piece of information??

I always have patients whose names leave me tongue-tied, and I can see the displeasure on their faces when they come to fill their prescriptions. Hence, I apologize and ask for the right pronunciation. I might forget the next second (they know this), but at least I acknowledge it.

The wrong pronunciation is not the problem in any way, the audacity of the confidence and insolence expressed by some people is the crux of the matter. These little things actually do count sometimes.

Poor Toilet Hygiene

KacheeTee had a great post on Work place Etiquette and this was one that had consensus among readers. We are Adults, we know what clean looks like and vice-versa.

Please let us not go into this too much, biko, for the sake of all the labour pains of our mothers, we need to inculcate the habit of cleaning up after ourselves. It’s too delicate an issue to toy around with.

Tissue, Water, Hand Sanitizer, Hand Wash. That is all. Is it really too much to ask?

Finally, please, wash your hands after entering the toilet for any reason, even if it’s just for mirror selfies. Seriously, though, please do not go around hugging people with ‘leftovers’ from the chamber pot*.

*Chamber pot is actually a correct dictionary form of toilet.

Social Media Debacle Among Strangers

I just joined Instagram in December 2016 ( Yes, follow me!) and it just kills me to watch people fight over the Kardashians and Beyoncé when they are just on a private island consuming caviar and showing you their perfect physiques.

Come on, guys, these people are just that… People!! No need for the stings from the Bey-hive. I mean, Beyoncé follows ZERO persons on Instagram (as in nobody, zilch, nada!), yet we want to be her lawyers, jury and judge. Does it truly add up?

Then the constant fights in comment sections! I mean, come on, guys!! Truth be told, the twitter trailer jams are hilarious but no one wants to actually be the victim, so please, can we just respect each other? Please? Entertainment must not be so mean!

The Mentality Of Nigerians (And The World) About Nigeria

I have never felt sadder about Nigeria than I do now. Working in a Government run establishment shows you so much. I just want to run away from all of it.

I am just devastated because the selfishness within you and I is pretty alarming! We are just a nation filled with individuals who do not believe in who we are, what we do, or what we stand for!

After making excuses for us… poor government, misappropriated funds, uncivilized people, I still come to realize that all these things are caused by US! We need an absolute reform of our mindset, which was, is and will ever be our problem.

The moment we begin to realize that WE are the Government, no matter how many excuses we give, that WE are NIGERIA, no matter what geopolitical zone are ancestors were placed in, the earlier we would experience uplift as a Nation.

‘You Know You Are A Lady’

Yes, yes, I am.

I do appreciate that male and females will never be the same. We are different in certain aspects, and nothing can actually change that.

However, considering that we were made with one brain each, there are things that are asexual… like cooking, hygiene, cleaning and academic prowess, amongst others. I really do not understand why someone would tell me,

‘You know you are a girl, that is why your kitchen is arranged and his own is not’. Yes, somebody actually told me this recently.

So, our hormonal differences now account for our hygienic tendencies, okwa ya? Issorait!

Another one is the ‘sitting properly’ debate. He spreads his legs and I should cross mine (never mind that we were both wearing pants) not because of decency, but because I have minimal testosterone. The day I heard this one, Nwanne m, I was shook!!

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We are all human. I have huge, major faults to work on. Let us just take one breath, one move at a time. We work to always be better. That is the whole essence of life.

The little things do amount to big items, and I think we usually forget that. Honestly, this isn’t all that grinds my gears, but let’s just stop at these, for sanity sake.

In case you were wondering, ‘Ndu’ means ‘Life’ in Igbo Language, so ‘Ndu Desire’ means ‘Desire’s Life’.

P.S. The phrase, what really grinds my gears, originates from a 1987 movie called Planes, Trains and Automobiles. Now you can’t say you did not learn anything from me today.

This ‘Am’ instead of ‘I am’ thing touches me way too much, and I have no idea why.

What strange thing irks you? What do you think we are excessive or inadequate about as humans? Do you think this is just plain unnecessary? Please let us know in the comments!

Thank You So Much For Reading.

Until next time,

VENI, VIDI, AMAVI.

Desire.

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