We can all agree that self-confidence is essential to living a fulfilled life, but life really sucks sometimes and we lose it, bigtime! Does this mean we are losing at life?
When people talked about being self-conscious as teenagers, I just didn’t get it. I didn’t have great skin or look good, I was skinny with ‘rashes’ on my face with medium-length hair, but I didn’t care. Academically, I was doing well-ish.
My point is, I was your average girl, just swimming in the middle of the masses.
So, the concept of self-confidence was like Greek. It was beautiful, but incomprehensible to me.
I didn’t quite get why having acne or being fat or skinny would make someone feel bad about themselves, I just thought, it is not that deep, biko.
Fast forward years later, I finally struggled with the issue.
In 2016 and early in 2017, I felt rather bleh without even realizing so, until afterwards. My parents noticed, and asked me if I was depressed (I probably was, but I said no multiple times, of course).
I was going through a thoroughly disheartening emotional time which infiltrated my physical. I don’t even know how or from whence it came.
For a while, I felt ugly.
Oh yes, like a face-rash-ridden-skinny-ugly-somebody. To make it worse, my previously thriving hair refused to keep growing. It was around this time that I finally had to come to terms with the fact that I could not have a first class degree after wanting it for so long and I messed up two important relationships.
Moving to 2018, I went through a second bout of this dearth of self-confidence, but due to physical reasons. I used a skincare product that left me with a really bad facial allergic reaction and the ugly feeling came back, even worse.
I was angry, ashamed, in despair; you name it, I felt it. Eventually, I came to realize that I needed to go through that, and quite honestly, I believe you need it too. Well, your own version though.
Here are the absolute reasons why;
IT MAKES YOU GRATEFUL
I have always wanted to have spotless, supple skin (who doesn’t?) and I constantly looked at mine thinking it could be so much better. Naturally, I do have good (albeit sensitive) skin, but I just wanted more.
When I had that thing going on, I kept saying to myself, ‘Oh, what I would give to have my skin back!’ Looking back at my old pictures, I just keep wondering why I was so gung ho about better.
Losing my skin only made me grateful for well…my skin. Now, I am just thankful because I know eventually, it’d come back to where it was (even better).
Losing something valuable actually helps you realize how lucky you are to have had it in the first place, and sometimes that is really needed.
READ ALSO: She Is Not A Plantain, She Is A Pineapple!
IT MAKES YOU RESPECT THE STRUGGLES OF OTHERS.
When I was in school and someone complained about having a B and one with a C would say something along the lines of, ’If you are complaining, what should I do?’, it baffled me (even when I was guilty of this same act). Can’t somebody want better for themselves anymore?
When my face was at its worst, having people look at it and saying things like , ‘What is wrong with your face?’, ‘That is why I only use natural products’, ‘Please do something about your face’, I was even more perplexed (still am).
It’s like, you don’t even know how I am feeling, you don’t even offer tangible help, and you just want me to do something about my face.
Look, first off, Nigerians humans, stop it!
The thing where you see someone’s skin or dress or grades or whatever and feel like you should make a face or say something unnecessary…
DON’T. DO NOT.
It Is rude and annoying. You don’t really know what the person has been (or is going) through.
Even if you think it isn’t that deep, biko, is it your deep???
When you go (or went) through yours, I am sure you want appreciated such wanton comments, so please, just…don’t.
All of us need to learn to respect whatever people are going through, some people are not as strong as you are, biko. If you don’t want to, or cannot support them, keep your thoughts to yourself (and a straight face too.)
IT HELPS YOU HELP OTHERS.
Being in the situation where you actually know what it feels like, seeing someone else go through it gives you a spirit of sympathy and charity that you didn’t even know you had.
One that resonates with me when it comes to academic issues in terms of working hard and seeing an underwhelming result. Coming across people with such issues has put me in a position where I can give insightful advice regarding such.
I know a lot of us want to help others, but we miss these opportunities in our daily motion. Find yours!
It doesn’t have to be a Toke-Makinwa-On-Becoming moment, all it has to be is helpful to at least one person in the world.
No one, not even Blue Ivy, has had a perfect life! You win, you lose, you learn, and then… you teach.
As life happens to you, make it a duty point to prevent (or help) its happening to other people.
Your banal knowledge could be the uplift of others.
BETTER THINGS ARE COMING.
At the point where I lost myself in 2016, I started saying ‘I want to come to Delta’ endlessly. My friends probably thought I was crazy and yes, I was.
I just wanted to leave my then ‘sucky’ life, and I just felt leaving Lagos would be my change harbinger.
Eventually, I found myself there.
Contrary to what you may think, it was the best thing for me. The growth, experience and strength I witnessed within myself in the year I went through this was vast. I didn’t quite expect it.
I literally feel like I have mental wings, and if not for the occurrences in the pastime, I would have comfortably been in LUTH with my friends and wouldn’t have had this life changing experience. Heck, I am so sure that this blog wouldn’t even be in existence.
Believe me, that let-down is just a blatant chance to do and be better. As difficult as it mostly is, I believe now in consciously loving myself whole, no matter the situation, and you should too.
Personally, I am still waiting for the ‘better’ coming out of the whole not-making-a-first-class thing, and I know it is coming.
What has been a turning point for you? Have you lost your self-confidence and how did you deal with it?
How do you suggest that we live with our failures?
Please let us know in the comments!
Thank you so much for reading.
VENI, VIDI, AMAVI.
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