Learning Life || 4 Reasons Why You Need To Lose Your Confidence.

self-love, self-confidence, winning at life
6 minutes read

We can all agree that self-confidence is essential to living a fulfilled life, but life really sucks sometimes and we lose it, bigtime! Does this mean we are losing at life?

When people talked about being self-conscious as teenagers, I just didn’t get it. I didn’t have great skin or look good, I was skinny with ‘rashes’ on my face with medium-length hair, but I didn’t care. Academically, I was doing well-ish.

My point is, I was your average girl, just swimming in the middle of the masses.

So, the concept of self-confidence was like Greek. It was beautiful, but incomprehensible to me.

I didn’t quite get why having acne or being  fat or skinny would make someone feel bad about themselves, I just thought, it is not that deep, biko.

Fast forward years later, I finally struggled with the issue.

In 2016 and early in 2017, I felt rather bleh without even realizing so, until afterwards. My parents noticed, and asked me if I was depressed (I probably was, but I said no multiple times, of course).

I was going through a thoroughly disheartening emotional time which infiltrated my physical. I don’t even know how or from whence it came.

For a while, I felt ugly.

Oh yes, like a face-rash-ridden-skinny-ugly-somebody. To make it worse, my previously thriving hair refused to keep growing. It was around this time that I finally had to come to terms with the fact that I could not have a first class degree after wanting it for so long and I messed up two important relationships.

Moving to 2018, I went through a second bout of this dearth of self-confidence, but due to physical reasons. I used a skincare product that left me with a really bad facial allergic reaction and the ugly feeling came back, even worse.

The state of my skin in January 2018


Unfortunately, it did get a bit worse.

I was angry, ashamed, in despair; you name it, I felt it. Eventually, I came to realize that I needed to go through that, and quite honestly, I believe you need it too. Well, your own version though.

Here are the absolute reasons why;

IT MAKES YOU GRATEFUL

I have always wanted to have spotless, supple skin (who doesn’t?) and I constantly looked at mine thinking it could be so much better. Naturally, I do have good (albeit sensitive) skin, but I just wanted more.

When I had that thing going on, I kept saying to myself, ‘Oh, what I would give to have my skin back!’ Looking back at my old pictures, I just keep wondering why I was so gung ho about better.

Losing my skin only made me grateful for well…my skin. Now, I am just thankful because I know eventually, it’d come back to where it was (even better).

Losing something valuable actually helps you realize how lucky you are to have had it in the first place, and sometimes that is really needed.

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IT MAKES YOU RESPECT THE STRUGGLES OF OTHERS.

When I was in school and someone complained about having a B and one with a C would say something along the lines of, ’If you are complaining, what should I do?’, it baffled me (even when I was guilty of this same act). Can’t somebody want better for themselves anymore?

When my face was at its worst, having people look at it and saying things like , ‘What is wrong with your face?’, ‘That is why I only use natural products’, ‘Please do something about your face’, I was even more perplexed (still am).

It’s like, you don’t even know how I am feeling, you don’t even offer tangible help, and you just want me to do something about my face.

Look, first off, Nigerians humans, stop it!

The thing where you see someone’s skin or dress or grades or whatever and feel like you should make a face or say something unnecessary…

DON’T. DO NOT.

It Is rude and annoying. You don’t really know what the person has been (or is going) through.

Even if you think it isn’t that deep, biko, is it your deep???

When you go (or went) through yours, I am sure you want appreciated such wanton comments, so please, just…don’t.

All of us need to learn to respect whatever people are going through, some people are not as strong as you are, biko. If you don’t want to, or cannot support them, keep your thoughts to yourself (and a straight face too.)

READ ALSO: Ndu Desire || WHAT REALLY, TRULY GRINDS MY GEARS

IT HELPS YOU HELP OTHERS.

Being in the situation where you actually know what it feels like, seeing someone else go through it gives you a spirit of sympathy and charity that you didn’t even know you had.

One that resonates with me when it comes to academic issues in terms of working hard and seeing an underwhelming result. Coming across people with such issues has put me in a position where I can give insightful advice regarding such.

I know a lot of us want to help others, but we miss these opportunities in our daily motion. Find yours!

It doesn’t have to be a Toke-Makinwa-On-Becoming moment, all it has to be is helpful to at least one person in the world.

No one, not even Blue Ivy, has had a perfect life! You win, you lose, you learn, and then… you teach.

As life happens to you, make it a duty point to prevent (or help) its happening to other people.

Your banal knowledge could be the uplift of others.

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BETTER THINGS ARE COMING.

At the point where I lost myself in 2016, I started saying ‘I want to come to Delta’ endlessly. My friends probably thought I was crazy and yes, I was.

I just wanted to leave my then ‘sucky’ life, and I just felt leaving Lagos would be my change harbinger.

Eventually, I found myself there.

Contrary to what you may think, it was the best thing for me. The growth, experience and strength I witnessed within myself in the year I went through this was vast. I didn’t quite expect it.

I literally feel like I have mental wings, and if not for the occurrences in the pastime, I would have comfortably been in LUTH with my friends and wouldn’t have had this life changing experience. Heck, I am so sure that this blog wouldn’t even be in existence.

Believe me, that let-down is just a blatant chance to do and be better. As difficult as it mostly is, I believe now in consciously loving myself whole, no matter the situation, and you should too.

Personally, I am still waiting for the ‘better’ coming out of the whole not-making-a-first-class thing, and I know it is coming.

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What has been a turning point for you? Have you lost your self-confidence and how did you deal with it?

How do you suggest that we live with our failures?

Please let us know in the comments!

Thank you so much for reading.

VENI, VIDI, AMAVI.

Desire.

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TOBENEDICTA, TO BIOLA¦¦WE WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER.

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12 thoughts on “Learning Life || 4 Reasons Why You Need To Lose Your Confidence.

  1. I am glad you have started loving yourself and really, if you never went through what you did, you probably wouldn’t have been sympathetic to people going through lack of confidence.
    Personally, I’ve never had problems with my skin, it’s not the best but it has never bothered me (some people say its because I don’t have a problem). Anyway, I truly got to understand how insensitive we are when we look at someone and say “you should do something about your face”, my brother made me realize that. He battled with acne and it dampened his self confidence. I never truly understood it until I saw his pain. He’s better now though.
    What even affects my self confidence is my weight but it’s all a mental thing. You just have to get a breakthrough mentally by telling yourself you shouldn’t and can’t be defined by how you look. It’s not easy but when you keep saying it, somehow, you believe it. Also God is big helper. The Holy Spirit knows how to comfort and boost confidence. It’s amazing. I’m not saying there are no down moments, I have that. I’m saying I don’t dwell in them for long because I know who and whose I am.

    1. Great work dear… I was just seeing you in every sentence you made… Keep it up… And keep moving…. Its really inspiring …

    2. Oh my gosh! How am I just seeing this comment?!
      I love, love your words here and I really lowkey hope you have a blog.
      Honestly, I do believe that it is easier to empathize because I have gone through a similar situation.
      It’s not easy everyday, but we continually make it through, God leading us, one step at a time.
      Honestly, the mind is a battlefield and we need to be conscious about how we feel, instead of bottling up our emotions, we should speak to God and our loved ones.
      I am so happy your brother is doing better and I have seen my sisters go through weight loss- related thoughts and I agree with you totally.
      Thank you so much for this amazing comment!!!
      Ps. I love your name ❤️❤️

  2. We clearly must have been good supporters for us to deserve this love. On confidence, I just know that I am getting there. the results thing always got to me every time, i know I would spend hours just starring at my results and wondering what went wrong, then one insensitive soul would then make a comment. Still, I learnt to own it. I am glad you moved to Delta for a year, personally venturing out of one’s comfort zone brings so much reward, so much so that this is my motto for this year in all areas of my life.

  3. I had lab in school and we were asked to use an auto microliter pipette and your girl was looking like????? Amazingly the oyinbo in my group told me to measure the material because she had to do other stuff and you should’ve seen the look on her face when I told her that I didn’t know how to use it. ‘Errr… you’re a pharmacist and you worked in a pharma industry right?’ I felt like the student from ‘3rd world Africa’. No aunty we didn’t use it are you going to teach me or what. Let’s not talk about my 3 hour struggle while having to plot a graph on Numbers (the apple version of MS Excel) (NB: the app had a problem so it’s not like I am stupid lol and in my university we were made to plot graphs using paper and pencil unlike the rest of the world). These are some of the recent experiences I’ve had that has made me question my intelligence. Am I as smart as they say or I’m just lucky to answer questions in exams correctly lol again. As cheesy as it sounds My resolve is to say who I am based on my identity that I find in Jesus and not on any other thing! I am God’s Masterpiece regardless! I have the Holy Spirit (there aren’t enough characters to explain what this actually means)! Bisous

  4. This is a piece that basically every young person can relate to. You’re either on the side that’s not confident or the mean person that feels the need to talk about someone’s appearance(mostly condescendingly). Whatever side we are on, I pray God helps us get through it.
    Thanks for this piece

  5. I totally love everything about this post, starting from the title.
    I understand this completely and I share similar views.
    You truly must lose your confidence!
    Almost like you must fall ill to appreciate life itself better.
    Good work!

  6. Oh many times I tell you. But my turning point was flunking my first year of uni and this helped me refocus.
    I knew med/surgery wasn’t my path but I had gone on eith it because that was expected of me. Failing in freshman year gave me to the strength to say no. And here I am, 5 years later, thriving in my field.
    Great read Desire!

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